Joke of the day

fleming442

Captain Tenneal
Dec 26, 2013
13,046
24,214
113
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs in front of a door? Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs in a hole? Phil
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs in the middle of a lake? Bob
...and water skiing = Skip
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: 4 users

pontiacgp

blank
Mar 31, 2006
29,270
20,391
113
Kitchener, Ontario
little Johny is in school and last's nite homework was to make a sentence with the word contagious in it. The teacher was always worried what Johny would do in school so she asked him what his sentence was about. Johny told her it was about grass so the teacher said you can't use contagious in a sentence about grass. Johny said sure you can, "lil sis was outside cutting that grass and the speed she was going it was going to take that cont ages to cut it"
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 4 users

AZRegal

Greasemonkey
Aug 20, 2017
178
502
93
Mesa AZ
It took me 10 minutes to walk to the local bar this afternoon. This evening it took me 1 hour to walk back home. The difference is staggering.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 6 users

69hurstolds

Geezer
Supporting Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,089
17,292
113
This girl really wants to borrow her dad's car so she can go out with her boyfriend.

"Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight? I have a date."

He says "Sweetie, you know the rules, if you want to borrow the car you know what you need to do!" She says, "No, Dad, that's sick!" and walks away.

She comes back about an hour later. She caves and decides to do the deed cuz she really wants to see her boyfriend. She gets on her knees in front of him and starts the job. Then she stops suddenly and grimaces.

"Ugh, Dammit Dad, your d**ck taste like sh**t!!!"

Dad laughs and slaps his forehead, "Oh yeah, I forgot, your brother came by right after you left to borrow the car!"
 
  • Wow
  • Like
Reactions: 2 users

69hurstolds

Geezer
Supporting Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,089
17,292
113
A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He’s doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him.

She comes over and says hi to him.

He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”

She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 6 users

fleming442

Captain Tenneal
Dec 26, 2013
13,046
24,214
113
A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He’s doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him.

She comes over and says hi to him.

He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”

She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
:puke:
 

69hurstolds

Geezer
Supporting Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,089
17,292
113
I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 5 users