Well, it's done! I stayed after Tuesday through Thursday, and worked on it a few hours Friday, and we finally got the engine back together. The funny thing is, when it came time to do the actual timing belt, it only took like 5 minutes. Started the car up, and it ran pretty good, aside from quite a few lifters clicking away. After running for 15 minutes or so, some of them quieted down. He had me take it out for a test run, and within a couple minutes, the rest got pumped up. It looks and sounds like it did before anything went wrong.
So, in the end, instead of just spending 3 or 4 hours replacing the motor, we spent about 12-15 hours, disassembling almost the entire engine, sending a pretty ****ed up head out to get machined, replacing all 4 pistons, 1 bent rod, crank bearings, intake and exhaust manifold gasket and head gasket, the timing belt we initially replaced, spark plugs, and the alternator and PS belts. Makes tons of sense. Also, 2 of the 4 spark plug holes had to be heli-coiled, and one was still ****ed up about 1/4" from the combustion chamber side of the head. All 4 of the chambers had some damage, including a couple 1/4" or bigger chunks taken out. I give that car about 100 miles before something kills it for a second and final time.