A man and woman go into a new Chinese restaurant for a nice meal. A while after serving, the waiter comes over and asks how the meal was. The husband says, "Well, the duck is very rubbery." The waiter says, "Oh, tank you! Your wife, she vewwy rubbery, too!"
A guy comes running out half dressed from a burning whorehouse. He waves down a fireman and says to him, "Hey, if you find a hot redhead in a pink nighty, go ahead and do her. She's paid for."
What's the difference between an elephant and a NYC cab driver? The elephant has the trunk in the front and the a-hole in the back.