Joke of the day

[Bonnewagon]

My best friend sadly passed away yesterday so I went to see his wife today.

I said to her, “Look on the bright side, at least he’s not suffering anymore.”

She replied, “But he wasn’t ill, he died suddenly.”

I said, “I know, I meant being married to you.”

 

[Bonnewagon]

A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”

The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “When are you going to pay for these beers?”

The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

 

[Bonnewagon]

Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

 

[ed1948]

You: "I'm so tired"
Me: "I hear there's an App for that"

 

[Bonnewagon]

 

[Bonnewagon]

 

[superbon54]

 

[superbon54]

 

[McGillicutty]

Penguin drives his car to Walrus the mechanic.
Walrus says "Hi Penguin. What's wrong with the car?"
Penguin says "It's running rough and there's a puddle in the driveway."
Walrus says "Okay, leave it with me for an hour and I'll check it over."
Penguin walks across the street to a restaurant, has an ice cream cone, then goes back to the mechanic.
Walrus says "It looks like you blew a seal."
Penguin wipes his chin and says "No, it's just a little ice cream."

 

[fleming442]

What do you get from a cow with dwarfism?





Condensed milk