Joke of the day

[pontiacgp]

That stash reminds of the stereo install he was installing in a customers car, in the trunk he found a bag of what looked like coke so he left that on the dash when he parked the car ourside after the job was finished. The owner of the car returned and saw the bag on the dash and almost had a coronary...

 

[fleming442]

That stash reminds of the stereo install he was installing in a customers car, in the trunk he found a bag of what looked like coke so he left that on the dash when he parked the car ourside after the job was finished. The owner of the car returned and saw the bag on the dash and almost had a coronary...

I relocated a customer's crack stash while working on his car (putting a stereo in), and he came back in threatening to kill me. I had to walk his dumb azz out to the car and show him my better hiding place.

 

[Kennybill]

A hot young blonde is standing at the edge of a cliff bawling her eyes out. An old smelly hobo walks up and says "are you okay young Lady?" Blonde says, "hell no I'm not okay. My life is awful, everything is going wrong and I'm going to jump and just end it all!" Hobo says, "would you like to have sex once more before you jump?" Blonde screams, "YUCK, YOUR DISCUSSING, YOUR FILTHY, SMELLY AND OLD! I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on Earth!" The Hobo hangs his head and starts walking away. Blonde says, "where are you going?" Hobo says, " down to the bottom of the cliff to wait for you."

 

[pontiacgp]

this guy walks into a bar and the waitress said he was the biggest man she has ever seen. He looked down at her and said he was from Texas and everything in Texas is big. He sat down and order the biggest steak and the largest pitcher of beer the bar had. The waitress was impressed that the Texan ate the huge steak and drank the whole pitcher. The waitress asked the Texan if he would give her a lift at the end of her shift. The Texan agreed and at the end of her shift they went outside to the Texan's huge Cadillac which impressed the waitress again. The waitress suggested they go back to the Texan's hotel room to have a drink. They were having a few drinks and one thing lead to another. When the Texan dropped his pants the waitree said that was the biggest she had ever seen, once again the Texan said everything in Texas is big. The Texan got on top of the waitress and after a few minutes the Texan looked that the waitress and asked her "what part of Texas are you from"....

 

[Bonnewagon]

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? "It's not hard".

 

[Bonnewagon]

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

 

[Bonnewagon]

A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"

 

[Bonnewagon]

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

[Bonnewagon]

The house mother tells the two new co-eds that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one co-ed says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The co-eds look at each other, then one says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

 

[Bonnewagon]

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"