If chuckling at that joke is all it takes to be on the bus to hell, I think my bus will be in the Express lane.
Joke of the day
- Thread starter jlcustomz
- Start date
That story was pretty good but the climax was a little shaky
A few years back I set my brother in-law (Ray) up with this one.
My mom and Ray were in the middle of a conversation when I approached them and said “ hey ma you want to hear the joke Ray just told me. She said yes and I said “ what’s the definition of mixed emotions “ what she said “ watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new truck “.
My mom and Ray were in the middle of a conversation when I approached them and said “ hey ma you want to hear the joke Ray just told me. She said yes and I said “ what’s the definition of mixed emotions “ what she said “ watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new truck “.
A guy walks into a corner store and asks the cashier if there's any toilet paper for sale. The cashier responded, "We have 2 kinds of toilet paper, the premium super soft 3 ply Charmin and our cheap store brand that doesn't have a name." "Give me the cheap one." And the guy went home. A few days later, the guy comes back and tells the cashier that he's come up with a name for their store brand toilet paper: John Wayne. "Why? Because he's rough and he's tough and he don't take sh*t from anyone."
My dad got me with this at work one day when i was about 22.
Dad:What would you call nuts on a wall? Son:Walnuts
Dad:What do you call nuts on a chest? Son:Chesnuts
Dad:What would you call nuts on your chin?
Son:Chinnuts?
No son youd have a d### in your mouth.
Fyi my dad took me "SNIPE HUNTING" at 11
Dad:What would you call nuts on a wall? Son:Walnuts
Dad:What do you call nuts on a chest? Son:Chesnuts
Dad:What would you call nuts on your chin?
Son:Chinnuts?
No son youd have a d### in your mouth.
Fyi my dad took me "SNIPE HUNTING" at 11
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Little Johnny, what's your problem?"
Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office.
While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Little Johnny: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Little Johnny: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Little Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"
Little Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Little Johnny replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Little Johnny: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Little Johnny: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"!
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Little Johnny replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Little Johnny: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Little Johnny: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."
Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office.
While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Little Johnny: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Little Johnny: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Little Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"
Little Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Little Johnny replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Little Johnny: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Little Johnny: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"!
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Little Johnny replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Little Johnny: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Little Johnny: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."
Watch out, that’s the name of the company I work for Prism Responce LOL
Saw a poster saying “ the worlds coming to the end, casinos , bars and churchs are all closed. If heaven and hell are working together, we’re doomed “
Heard actor & musician Ice T was embarrassed about having a gay brother.
SWEET T.
SWEET T.
Almost real life TV. On the show years ago he had to adjust to the fact his acting son is gayHeard actor & musician Ice T was embarrassed about having a gay brother.
SWEET T.