IT’S WAR!!
On this date, the 25th day of our Lord’s year, two thousand and eighteen, war was declared at approximately 11:45 MST.
After decades of encroachment upon unsuspecting peaceful and virgin territories, the evil and vile armies of the Republic of Ugly’s Shock Troops (R.U.S.T) were finally confronted by the Federation against (automotive) Unhappiness (F.U.)
RUST’s villainous and heinous crimes against unsuspecting sheet metal could no longer be tolerated, and after selecting a suitable battlefield, the war of ages had begun.
FU RUST was on!!
Prior to the two superpowers facing off, a few other potential battlefields had been thoroughly scrutinized but rejected due to their unsuitability. As fate would have it, the chosen battleground remained on friendly home turf, the territory native to our beloved Cutlass.
With heavy artillery poised against the agents of RUST, the opening volley was fired by none other than General Rktpwrd, with his trusty Captain Mike deftly by his side. A fearful blow was struck by FU, but the resistance by RUST was intense and considerable.
The battle raged for several hours, with many wounded and fatalities littering the battlefield. Many a committed grinding disc, fibre wheel, and loyal ranks of sandpaper sacrificed their lives for the cause. Faithful to the last, their sacrifice shall not be forgotten. The agents of RUST suffered the most however, their ranks being decimated by FU’s superior arsenal and technology.
The casualties:
Even surrounding territories felt the inexorable ferocity of the battle for the ages.
As afternoon waned into early evening, it was readily apparent to even the most unseasoned observer that the battle had leaned decisively in favour of the heroic FU. With nearly no trace of RUST left visible on the battlefield, victory was pronounced at 4:30 pm MST.
Mop up operations are scheduled to continue for the next several days as enemy agents that escaped initial annihilation may continue to reveal themselves, but for now the overwhelmingly brutal operation has been considered a decisive victory. Once again, this peaceful and placid stretch of Cutlass sheet metal can rest easily tonight knowing that, for now at least, RUST has been vanquished.
This has been the Bureau of Lasting Accounts and Beautification (BLAB) reporting.
(EST. 2015)