Joke of the day
- Thread starter jlcustomz
- Start date
They brew the regular stuff.
Living in the beer capitol of the world, I hardly can justify calling Bud and the such beer.🍺
Living in the beer capitol of the world, I hardly can justify calling Bud and the such beer.🍺
Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell. He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building. Superman thinks, “This is my chance!” He swoops down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says,”What the hell was that!?” The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, “I have no idea but it hurt like hell!”
Old guy goes to the doc for a checkup and brings the wife along because he is hard of hearing.
Doc: Everything looks OK but I still want to run tests so I need a urine, a feces and a sperm sample.
Old guy: (To wife) What did he say?
Wife: (loudly) He wants your underwear.
Doc: Everything looks OK but I still want to run tests so I need a urine, a feces and a sperm sample.
Old guy: (To wife) What did he say?
Wife: (loudly) He wants your underwear.
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead. The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny b*st*rd!" And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, "Shhhh!,they are about to land."
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady: "Whats that?" Second Lady: " A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet." First Lady: "Where did you get it?" Second Lady : "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years old), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."