I can relate to figuring out what the hell people are trying to describe when you try to diagnose their problem. Here are some others I've heard:
It's like it's not getting the gas.
It needs new brake pads. It shakes when I stop. Like this *puts hands on an imaginary steering wheel and rocks back and forth rapidly*
Oh yeah, that light's been on for a while. I didn't think it was important.
It ran out of washer fluid, so it's time for an oil change.
IDK how many times I've had to spend over 20 minutes trying to figure out if a customer is talking about a sway bar or a tie rod end.
Here's one I'm surprised hasn't shown up yet. Every single day I'm at work, I hear "radiator fluid".
I hate the fact that Autozone advertizes "free diagnosis". It makes people think we have some sort of magical box behind the counter that sh*ts puppies and kittens who dance merrily around their car in a shower of rainbows and moonbeams as they inspect it, then sing a joyful song about EXACTLY what their car needs.
Oh! Here's one I just remembered. When I was in school, there was one kid who acted like he knew everything about cars, but obviously didn't. He bought an old Chevy truck with a massive lift and what seemed like 50" tires. It's body had to be at least 70% Bondo, and he bragged to everyone that it had a "400hp, 0.060 over 400 sbc" in it, too. Well one day he blows it up, probably doing something stupid, knowing him. He brings the truck to school so he can pull the motor and put in the "400hp 355" he bought for 100 bucks. Once he finished, the auto shop teacher decided to show us how to tear down an engine, and use the "400hp, 0.060 over 400 sbc" to demonstrate. With the engine on a stand, he flips it upside down and says "I can tell you right now, just by looking at the sides of the block, it's not a 400 sbc, they're smooth. A 400 sbc has bulges on the sides to allow for more coolant to go around it's larger bores. It's probably a 350." After a brief argument with the dumbass, who finally believed it may not be a 400, but decided it had been bored out "for sure" and was probably a 350 4-bolt main, the teacher continued with the teardown. To make a long story short:
The intake was a stock GM cast iron quadrajet intake, not a "special cast iron Edelbrock"
The heads were not "ported camel humps" with "racing valves and springs", they were stock smog-era heads.
The head gaskets weren't even gaskets, they were steel shims slathered in blue permatex. -No kidding.
The pistons, crank, and rods were not forged, just stock stuff.
And best of all, after checking the bore, the teacher determined it wasn't a bored out 350. It wasn't even a 350. It was a 305. A bone stock 305 with only a big lumpy cam thrown in it, apparently to make it sound tough. I thought the kid's head was going to explode.
great stories guys, keep it up! im going to call my local parts guy and test him on a few "parts" 
