I think I finally figured my front brakes out.
What I think happened was that the original front calipers had some super contaminated brake fluid in them that rusted up the inside of the calipers. When I went to drive the pistons in to fit the new brake pads, I pushed all that rusty DOT 3 all the way back to the master cylinder. When I replaced the line on the passenger side, the banjo bolt had so much rust packed in it that I had to clean both sides of it out with a drill bit. I am guessing that the new caliper on the drivers side got some rusty crap that jammed the piston in the bore. Once I pulled the caliper off and extended it out some, it started working normally again.
I ended up flushing a bunch of fluid out and getting it mostly clean, but there is a non-zero chance that my brake lines are corroded upon the inside as well.
The best part is after all this effort, I now still need new pads and rotors. Good times.
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