...and water skiing = Skip
Joke of the day
- Thread starter jlcustomz
- Start date
little Johny is in school and last's nite homework was to make a sentence with the word contagious in it. The teacher was always worried what Johny would do in school so she asked him what his sentence was about. Johny told her it was about grass so the teacher said you can't use contagious in a sentence about grass. Johny said sure you can, "lil sis was outside cutting that grass and the speed she was going it was going to take that cont ages to cut it"
It took me 10 minutes to walk to the local bar this afternoon. This evening it took me 1 hour to walk back home. The difference is staggering.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
This girl really wants to borrow her dad's car so she can go out with her boyfriend.
"Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight? I have a date."
He says "Sweetie, you know the rules, if you want to borrow the car you know what you need to do!" She says, "No, Dad, that's sick!" and walks away.
She comes back about an hour later. She caves and decides to do the deed cuz she really wants to see her boyfriend. She gets on her knees in front of him and starts the job. Then she stops suddenly and grimaces.
"Ugh, Dammit Dad, your d**ck taste like sh**t!!!"
Dad laughs and slaps his forehead, "Oh yeah, I forgot, your brother came by right after you left to borrow the car!"
"Daddy, can I borrow the car tonight? I have a date."
He says "Sweetie, you know the rules, if you want to borrow the car you know what you need to do!" She says, "No, Dad, that's sick!" and walks away.
She comes back about an hour later. She caves and decides to do the deed cuz she really wants to see her boyfriend. She gets on her knees in front of him and starts the job. Then she stops suddenly and grimaces.
"Ugh, Dammit Dad, your d**ck taste like sh**t!!!"
Dad laughs and slaps his forehead, "Oh yeah, I forgot, your brother came by right after you left to borrow the car!"
A guy goes to the supermarket one day. He’s doing his shopping when he notices an attractive young woman waving at him.
She comes over and says hi to him.
He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”
She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
She comes over and says hi to him.
He’s taken aback because he can’t think where he knows her from. So he asks her, “Do you know me?”
She replies, “Yes, I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The guy’s mind is whirring now and it travels back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife. He asks the woman, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???”
She looks into his eyes and calmly replies, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
What's green and red and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender
A frog in a blender
I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.
“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.
“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.